“Everything is stacked against us,” I say. “We’d be a tragedy, Felix. This wouldn’t work.”
His smile is confusing.
“You don’t agree?” I ask, and how fucked up is it that I actually hope he doesn’t.
“No. I agree.” He steps closer and presses one (last) kiss to my mouth. “I just know that wouldn’t stop me.”
As I sit here writing this, it’s been nearly 24hrs since I finished this book and I’m still getting choked up as I look back through my highlights. It’s been a while since I’ve read a book that hit me as hard as this one did. I thought it was a gorgeous story, it was messy and angsty and broke my heart more than once but it was also funny and sweet and full of such hope. I think I was in love with both Felix and Jake by chapter 2 and was rooting for them so hard – as individuals and as a couple. This book is heavy at times, so please be mindful of the content warnings at the start if you’re concerned about that.
“You’re my best friend, right?”
And there’s that smile…
“Right.” He leans in and rubs his nose along my jaw. “Of course, I am, Jake. And you’re mine.”
“I would’ve invited you to my birthday party. To all of them.”
Jake and Felix were both addicts at different points in their recovery journey. At the start of the book Jake has just had a relapse after a lengthy period of sobriety and he meets Felix at a meeting in his new town where he’s staying with his brother. He’s instantly drawn to Felix and the two become fast friends when Felix offers to sponsor him. Both guys are used to making poor decisions and allowing themselves to fall for each other may end up being their worst decision yet, or it may end up being the best thing to ever happen to them.
“So, you like messy things?”
“I like you so, yeah.”
Jake came from a loving home with parents who cared for him and a protective big brother who has proven time and again that he would do anything for Jake. Yet he still succumbed to his demons and has struggled for years trying to do the right thing and maintain his sobriety. My heart absolutely broke for him when one moment sent him spiraling and all that progress went down the drain. He was grumpy and often quick to anger but he truly was a good guy and it absolutely killed him when he let people down, especially his brother. His inner struggle was so well written and it’s hurting my heart even now just thinking about it. I actually related a lot to his brother, CJ, because I was in the same position many years ago. The way their relationship was written was so well done and realistic.
“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel. What can I do?”
He leans on the counter, elbows bracing his weight, and says, “Stay alive.”
But then he meets Felix and he can’t stay away. Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone could stay away from Felix. He was the cutest ball of sunshine and his personality was simply magnetic. But beneath all the smiles and flirty texts and heart emojis was an insecure, lonely man who wanted nothing more than to find someone who valued him and wanted to be with him – someone who would stay. As much as Jake’s situation broke my heart, Felix’s absolutely shattered my heart. He’s the kind of person you want to protect at all costs so seeing bad things happen to him was just very hard.
“You want to know how to make me feel good all the time?”
“If it involves removing your hoodie, then no.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Okay. Then yes. Tell me and I’ll start doing it.”
His smile is slow and beautiful. “Exist, Felix.”
“What?”
“I just need you to exist. Stay here with me. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.”
When things were good for them – they were so good! There were just enough light moments to help break up the heavy stuff. But the reality is they were both dealing with their own addictions and focusing on that plus embarking on a new relationship is a very hard thing to balance. They were both so supportive of one another but sometimes that came at the detriment of their own recovery. I think I read at least half of this book with my heart in my throat waiting for the next test to come. I’m not going to lie and say it was an easy road, because it was not, but it was so worth it in the end. There’s also a bonus scene available so be sure to get that because it had me crying again from the very first page, it was so perfect! I’m so glad I finally got around to reading this book, it really was special and I’ll never forget these guys ❤
we’ll be okay
The Book Boyfriend Addict 