Their relationship was a house of cards built on lies. Reveal one truth and the whole thing would collapse.
Alek and Ian have been together for years and are desperate to hold onto the love they have but Ian knows that Alek is lying about his past, leaving Ian to wonder if he knows Alek at all. When Ian demands that Alek finally start to give him the truth, it sets off a chain of events that may end up tearing them apart for good.
I could forget everything about myself and still know that I love you.
This was a beautiful and haunting debut novel from Thea Verdone. I haven’t read many “relationship in crisis” books but it was a nice change of pace to read about an established couple fighting to hold onto their relationship when everything is crumbling down around them. I could feel their desperation to not lose each other even as self-sabotage, injury, lies, and mental illness took their toll on them. This was not a light read, it gets quite heavy at times, but it’s worth all the heartache and angst in the end. I was rooting hard for Ian and Alek to find their way together!
They made love like they were fighting, but not against each other. The past had tried to destroy them and the future loomed with uncertainty, but maybe if they pulled each other closer, they could fuse together completely, so nothing could ever separate them again.
Alek was a fascinating character. A gifted musician with synesthesia and a past shrouded in mystery. He was prickly and not always kind but I never doubted his love for Ian. Unraveling his back story was intriguing and made my heart hurt for him. His struggle with mental illness, though, was heartbreaking and so well written. And we got to see the other side of it from the POV of someone who loves a person with a mental illness. Ian was faced with many hard choices to make including some meant to protect Alek but could have easily cost them their relationship. It was the perfect recipe for loads of angst and a compelling story that keeps you flipping those pages.
One other aspect that I loved about this story was the setting. The Gothic Victorian mansion they were restoring and lived in was almost its own character. It was written in such vivid detail, that it became a living, breathing thing in my mind. It was haunting and beautiful and fit the vibe of this story. I recommend checking this story out, it’s an impressive debut! Just be mindful of the content warnings linked at the start and take care of yourself while reading.
Ian had tried to love Alek enough for the both of them, but it never worked because Alek had to love himself, and when he finally did, that’s what changed everything.
The Book Boyfriend Addict 